rayo x fuego http://www.soyxango.com/blog connect the dots. Wed, 15 Feb 2012 18:52:30 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 Copyright © rayo x fuego 2012 xango@berkeley.edu (rayo x fuego) xango@berkeley.edu (rayo x fuego) http://www.soyxango.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/powered_by_podpress.jpg rayo x fuego http://www.soyxango.com/blog 144 144 connect the dots. rayo x fuego rayo x fuego xango@berkeley.edu no no inka bola (short film) http://www.soyxango.com/blog/inka-bola-short-film/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/inka-bola-short-film/#comments Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:24:00 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=571 we all do this. ]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/inka-bola-short-film/feed/ 0 en garde! http://www.soyxango.com/blog/en-garde/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/en-garde/#comments Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:50:33 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=576 back the fuck up, bruh.

.

today, i feel like a halfway inflated kickball. no matter how tired i am, life just won’t stop pitching me around. i wish i could deflate myself in my bed and disappear for a while. since i have a life to live, that probably won’t happen. this valentines day marked the 6 year anniversary of the murder of a good friend. ironically, it’s also the day i’m supposed to be tra la la’ing everywhere. ha. for one reason or another, i couldn’t shake this frustration. this anger. this hurt. i wanted to kick over an old person’s garbage can, or put saran wrap on someone’s toilet seat. i was radiating irritation.

days like these are the worst for me. honestly, it’s hard as hell for me to reach out to people when something is really going wrong. when i am frustrated  or concerned about a situation, i can talk about it all day. but when the core of my bein

g is disturbed, when i am fragile, when i am not fucking feeling it (fo real fo real), i become hermetic. i don’t want to be bothered. i go into en garde! mode:

some days, i wish i could live in en garde mode. but i don’t know how to connect to another person without actually connecting to them. i can’t just attach and detach from one moment to the next. i actually give a fuck. so whenever someone i give any fucks about dies, leaves or is removed from my life, i retreat inside of myself:

when my heart breaks, i want to hide it.
when my trust is broken, i don’t want to trust anyone.
when my space is violated, i want to lock the world out.
when all that happens at once,
i want to be a walking block of concrete.

today, i am [re]learning where my unhide button is. reminding myself that it’s okay to have a guard; i NEED one to protect myself. i am caught between guarding my heart and burying myself alive. my guard will not become my emotional prison.

 

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/en-garde/feed/ 0 word of the day: hermetic (adj). http://www.soyxango.com/blog/hermetic/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/hermetic/#comments Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:41:12 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=554 hermetic [her-meh-tick] (adjective); staying away from other people; complete and airtight.

for example: her heart is very hermetic (it’s safer this way). 

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/hermetic/feed/ 0 verbal vitamin 15: khalil gibran http://www.soyxango.com/blog/vv15/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/vv15/#comments Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:35:20 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=564 For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he
descend to your roots
and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

- khalil gibran

(special thanks to amanda for putting me onto his writings)
]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/vv15/feed/ 0 #nowplaying la roux – bulletproof http://www.soyxango.com/blog/la-roux-bulletproof/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/la-roux-bulletproof/#comments Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:30:53 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=560 do do do your dirty words, come out to play when you are hurt?

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/la-roux-bulletproof/feed/ 0 verbal vitamin 14 http://www.soyxango.com/blog/vv14/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/vv14/#comments Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:36:13 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=545 we cannot waste time. we can only waste ourselves.

- george m. adams

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/vv14/feed/ 0 word of the day: apace (v.) http://www.soyxango.com/blog/apace/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/apace/#comments Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:27:05 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=537 apace [ay-pase] (verb) to move quickly; hella fast.

for example: time apaces when i’m with you.

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/apace/feed/ 0 #nowplaying rooney – when did your heart go missing http://www.soyxango.com/blog/rooney-when-did-your-heart-go-missing/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/rooney-when-did-your-heart-go-missing/#comments Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:08:32 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=529 i don’t know where your heart went //
it was here just the other day //
now it’s gone.

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/rooney-when-did-your-heart-go-missing/feed/ 0 word of the day: trow (v.) http://www.soyxango.com/blog/trow/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/trow/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:57:03 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=504 trow [tro] (verb); to think or believe

for example: i trow that i am capable of doing anything.

]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/trow/feed/ 0 #nowplaying india arie: there’s hope http://www.soyxango.com/blog/india-arie-theres-hope/ http://www.soyxango.com/blog/india-arie-theres-hope/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:58:00 +0000 xango http://www.soyxango.com/blog/?p=497                    it doesn’t cost a thing to smile.
                                                you don’t have to pay to laugh.



]]> http://www.soyxango.com/blog/india-arie-theres-hope/feed/ 0